Change

30 08 2011

I was thinking on my way back to work today how much my life has changed and how people’s roles in my life are continually shifting.  No one is forgotten, but life keeps changing and we are changing along with it.  I was thinking about my friends who I rarely get to see and how when we get together it’s like we just saw each other yesterday – not a moment has passed, and then there’s the other end of the spectrum where I have just met people and they seem like they’ve always been in my life forever! Take for instance this weekend.  On Friday and Sunday we spent most of the night on Friday and most of the day on Sunday with a new friend, who I met-in-person July 3rd, 2011.  We just click, we’re both Christians, about the same age, have kids about the same age, love to laugh or cry, am total mommy’s girls, have a sister 2 years younger, love a good bottle of wine paired with a DD, am ambitious, god-awful spellers, can’t get through the day without diet coke and/or coffee, love getting lost in a good book, we both make our own baby food b/c it saves money and it’s so fun to try new foods with the boys, we bring out good things in eachother, and we both tell it like it is.

I often revel in God’s ultimate plan.  I just don’t understand it…the revelation of why God for me that comes to mind most often is with my best friend in the whole world, she was my rock.  We met when she was 14 and I was 15 in the training room where I taped her ankle before gymnastics practice.  Through out the years we had ONE, yep count it, one fight.  We went to NYC together and we were moving non-stop for 3 days (I am a go, go, go, rest, go, rest, go, go, I’ll get back there again if there’s something I missed kinda traveler) and she suggested walking from Rockefeller Center to Central Park –  I came back to that suggestion with an insane flip out.  She took one step back and said that she’d give me a minute to cool down.  She was right it took me about a block and a half to apologize and laugh at how stupid that was!  Then all of a sudden 3 years ago, POOF, it was gone, I didn’t see it coming, didn’t see the end, I was totally blindsided.  I miss her everyday still, she’s closer geographically now than she has been in years, she just moved one state away rather than 10, she’s a 5 hour car ride rather than a 5 hour plane ride away now.  It breaks my heart to know that Tucker won’t grow up knowing her.  I know she’d be amazing with him and she’d never let him have a mullet (:  If she came up to me tomorrow and wanted to start from where we left off 3 years ago, I’d be thrilled.  But could I?  I have grasped the concept of forgiveness, and try to practice it regularly, but I have trouble forgetting.  How can I forget the tears that streamed down my cheeks, or the way Tucker would rebel against the sobs of sadness that would shake my body when I was pregnant, or the fact that I sent packages, emails, letters, voicemails, and knick naks with not a single response?  Can you really move on if you have one without the other, forgiveness but to forget, that’s so much more than I know how to give?  I’m so grateful for the new people God has brought into my life, but must I discard the old to let in room for the new?  Apparently that decision isn’t up to me.  What is God’s ultimate plan for this onesided-wayward friendship?  Only He knows…and I trust that the ultimate ending will expose its self to me someday.

I got a forward from someone yesterday and it said, “If you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today, what would you have tomorrow?”  It got me thinking, did I thank God for today?  For the overcast clouds and low humidity, for the blessings of family who is taking care of Tucker today, for waking up, for seeing Tucker smile?  Let me go on record here and now for the things I am thankful for:

  • my husband
  • my Tucker
  • my bogey
  • my mom, dad, sister, brother, giea, mother in law, father in law, brother in laws, sister in law, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends…old and new
  • my health and my family’s health
  • my house, furnished with beautiful things, practical things, and appliances to make my life easier
  • Your Word to nourish my soul, and the opportunities old and new to share it with others and grow in my faith as a woman, wife, mother, and Christian
  • a yard to have Eric mow and play with Tucker and bogey in
  • 2 cars to get Eric and I where we need to go filled with gas
  • food in my pantry…especially the spicy cheese (:  what can I say I’m a WI girl!
  • money in my bank accounts
  • a wonderful job that I love
  • clean water to drink
  • the ability to love and forgive
  • a warm bed to sleep in and clothes to wear
  • my freedom – thank you to our soldiers who fight for it and their families who sacrifice so much for me and my family and my country
Dear Tucker Tot,
 
If I woke up tomorrow with just the things on this list I would wake up a happy woman.  I have so much to be thankful for, although my life isn’t perfect, it is wonderful.  I have gone through my share of hardships, but each of those have made me the mom, wife, and woman that I am today.  I wish that I could shield you from all the bad in the world but I know that is not realistic.  You will have your own trials and tribulations, but as long as I am on earth I will do what I can to help you through them, while still allowing you to grow into the man I know you are capable of being.  Know that God is always there, even when I cannot be, turn to him when the bad of the world comes crashing down upon you.  Lean on Him, and know that just because he doesn’t answer your prayers the way you want him to doesn’t mean he isn’t answering them.  Open your eyes to His word, it surrounds you.  I love you to the moon and back Tucker Tot!
 
 
mom
 
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25 05 2012
Week 4 – Proverbs 31 Ministries « Life is Good as a gitter

[…] than others, but my FB wall is flooded with them as they inspire me.  I’ve written about an old friend on here before, and there have been some amazing devotionals that have put me in a place today […]

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