Vacation and my irrational fears.

2 02 2012

So as Eric would say, I was a bit, well, emotional about leaving for our trip to the Bahamas.  A trip that we as a happily married couple desperately needed.  Time away to remember why we are together, without having to discuss who will be driving before we go out, watching what we drink, or ‘discussing’ who will get up and take care of the baby or who’s turn it is to take out the dog.  We got a week of pampering, warm sunny weather, and  millions memories that we’ll never forget.

Before we left, for at least 4 months, when the trip was mentioned my pulse would race, and I’d have chest tightness, the thought of leaving my baby for an entire week was petrifying to me.  I felt guilty, I’m a full time working woman and mom, and I already feel like I don’t get enough time with Tucker, and to take 8 whole days off of work and not spend ANY of that time with him, well, made me feel awful.  And without even knowing – my feelings were being projected onto Eric, and he was feeling that I just didn’t want to getting away with him.  *BTW not the case at all*.  There didn’t seem to be much that I could do to subside these feelings and make Eric understand the maternal working mom in me.  I gave up and a week before we left I had our monthly church council meeting.  At the end we break up into groups and ask Jesus to help with something that we are struggling with in our lives, Pastor was in our group, and I asked for calmness about our upcoming trip and peace knowing that Tucker is well taken care of with my mom and dad and Eric’s mom and dad.  Pastor Jay said something that hit me and helped me to find peace, “Help Patty to see that the Union that You created between her and Eric is the most important because it was made in your eyes.”  I may be paraphrasing here, but he’s right, God created our union, and from that beautiful union created and sealed on February 24, 2007 – came Tucker, another one of God’s wonderful creations.  But he’ll be grown up someday and find a woman to share that union with that was created by God, and I hope he puts all he has into it, the way his dad, papa, and grandpa does.

So one of my fears is that we would leave and after 8 days come back and Tucker would look totally different, talk in full sentences, be running around, and I guess do so much that we would have missed.  Since he got so big, he wouldn’t remember that Mama is his favorite person in the world, and everything would just be different.  I am sure I am not the only parent to have these crazy irrational fears.

So 8 days in paradise, overindulging in food, alcohol, sun, water, fun and my husband we got home late and I HAD to wake up Tucker.  He didn’t look different, and he opened one eye, looked up at me, and said “mama?” a big smile and then a squeel, “MAMA!” he got right up and I swooped him up and gobbled all the kisses he attacked me with.  He was different, he learned a few new words and mannerisms, he wasn’t walking yet, and I was still his favorite.  It didn’t take long to get right back into the swing of things, but it was so much easier to do with a tan.  Our vacation that ended 8 days ago already feels like years ago and normal is back.  Everyday of our vacation from the moment we stepped on the grounds of Sandals Emerald Bay I got to forgot about being a mom, a dog owner, and became a wife, a book reader, a tanning beauty, a swimmer, and let loose.  I can’t imagine that when we do another trip away from Tucker, I won’t have some anxiety but it’s good to know that I can do it, I can have a great time with my husband and not feel the weight of mom guilt hang over me.  I am grateful that God gave us the financial and physical means to take a trip like this.  We are blessed.  Life is good.  Being a mom is great, but being a wife is amazing.

Dear Tucker,
I made it through leaving you, and you know what?  I’m a better mom for it.  I absolutely loved having time away with your dad, it’s something that we really needed to be a better mom and dad.  You had such a good week and your Granny and Papa and Grandma and Grandpa LOVED having you all to themselves.  Papa told me that they got to know you so much better and had such fun watching you learn all sorts of new things.  Grandma told me that you loved having sleepovers at the Bear’s house and you were such a good boy.  They both told me what a good sleeper you were for them.  I love that you’re such a good boy for them, now we will work on the good sleeper thing for mom and dad, you’re not bad but there’s always room for improvement.  (like going down better for naps).  We love you in spite of your reluctance to take 2 naps anymore.  You make me smile and make my heart melt Tuckey-roo.  I love you.  



3 responses

29 11 2012
And Baby Makes Four… « Life is Good as a gitter

[…] I suggested Leighton – LeAnne and Matt both liked it and our general manager’s at the Sandals Resort we stayed at in January (do the math people 9 months before) was named Leighton (LAY-TON)…we thought it fit, BUT Eric […]

14 06 2012
Gitter Family Update – 22 weeks preggers and 18 months old! « Life is Good as a gitter

[…] few other milestones in our lives – after we got back from the Bahamas and we Photoshopped a few pictures for our memory book Eric, Matt, LeAnne and I decided to do […]

4 04 2012
Expanding « Life is Good as a gitter

[…] 4 04 2012 is there a better way to celebrate 5 years of wedded bliss…than have another baby!  No way…we’ll remember The Bahamas […]

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