The grossest mom event ever…well let’s face it yet.

2 03 2012

Wow, yesterday was a day.  A few weeks ago a friend of mine from high school invited us for a playdate at Flabbergast (an indoor play place for kids).  I took off work and invited a few other of my girlfriends and their kids along, the more the merrier.  Well one group of my friends’ kids all take naps around 12 so the 12:30 time wasn’t gonna fit for them, so she asked if we could meet at 10:30.  I figured that I’d go for group one, get lunch and go back for group two.  When Tucker is tired he’ll just pass out on me and I could socialize with my friends then.

So the morning went AWESOME!  It was so great to see my friend who’s daughter is just a bit older than Tucker and son is a bit younger than Tucker, her SIL and her son, and as a bonus I got to see another friend from high school who I haven’t seen in at least 5 years, quite possibly more and got to meet her 2 daughters.  It brought back a rush of memories from the training room and a ton of others.  It’s funny how much things have changed and how we’re all moms and working girls now too.

Tucker was on and off cranky and he was farting like no one’s business, and I mean the smelliest farts he’s ripped yet.  I actually took him to the bathroom at least 3 times to check for poop.  Poor guy I knew he had to go.  All the kids were getting a bit cranky, we went across the way to Subway and Tucker was eating kinda slowly (unlike him) and then I could smell it, sphincter success.  So I went into the bathroom, no changing station, super.  So I laid my diaper changing caddy on the floor (thank goodness Taylor picked out the diaper caddy for Tucker – can’t tell you how many times I’ve NEEDED it!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and undid the smelly diaper.  A very mushy pile of poop was found in the diaper.  I had a funny feeling that he wasn’t quite done yet, so I waited about 2 minutes before I removed the diaper from his rear and disposed of it.  I noticed a bit of diaper rash, so I cleaned him up and put a healthy dose of desitin on his hinder, and then all of a sudden Tucker let out this insane scream and then……….

I find this picture to be a very good representation of the next 3-4 seconds, with the volcano being his butt and the lava being shit.  It erupted and was all over the changing station, floor, wall, my pants, up my arm, on his bib, clothes, hair, you name it poop was on it.  My friend happened to have the girls with her when she heard Tucker scream and said, “Everything okay, we heard Tucker scream.”  me: “Um, no not really we had an incident.”  Friend:  “open the door” Me: “we’re okay” Friend: “open the door.  let me help, what happened?”  I unlocked the door to the horror of poop, and her 2 year old daughter, “Wow, Tucker pooped EVERYWHERE!”  Yep kiddo you hit the nail on the head!  My friend got our other friend to take the girls into the boys bathroom and got my diaper bag, we got Tucker as cleaned up as we could with wipes and Johnson & Johnson cloths.  (and THANK YOU Kristin for the Johnson & Johnson cloths that you gave me eons ago!) She took Tucker with his paci and blankey to the table while I removed my pants and sweatshirt cleaned them the best I could gathered all our stuff and headed home…Sussex isn’t too far from home, but NO JOKE, the longest ride of my life with poop soaked pants on me.

Who thinks to pack clothes for the parents in the diaper bag of an almost 15 month old?  I mean I actually did used to have an extra shirt in my diaper bag when Tucker was an infant, blowouts were quite common, but now he’s a big boy eater and pooper apparently.  I guess I should keep an old t-shirt and sweats in the trunk for emergencies in each car.  Wow the wonderful world of motherhood.  Oh, and by the way, Tucker felt much better after exploding and even took a long afternoon nap.  Poor kid, rough life he lives.  On the bright side, I laughed about it, until I called my mom – then sobbed and then laughed again at the end of the conversation, I mean what else can you do?  Be mad at the baby, cause it’s so his fault, right?  Shit happens, literally.

It’s funny to think that this friend has been there to help me clean up Tucker for the second time.  The first one was much more fun, let’s clean up cake again next time! Oh, and we did never make it back to meet up with my second group of friends, super sad about that – but we’re putting something on our calendars soon!  Sorry girls, totally bummed that our pooptastic adventure ruined our afternoon plans, hope you and the kids had a blast!

If you’ve had a wonderful adventure like this, let me know so I can feel better knowing that I’m not the only mom to fill the subway garbage with shit and clean the bathroom the best I could with baby wipes.  I’d love to hear your pooptastic adventures too (:

Dear Tucker,
Oh my kiddo, do you know how to keep me on my toes.  You can never ever give just a boring afternoon!  You so belong with your dramatic father and your dramatic mother.  I love that we have only had you for 14 1/2 months and we already have endless stories to tell about our life with you.  What did we do before we had Tucker stories and answered questions like you, (Yessshhhh)?  I just had to laugh at this, your Lala would have died, thank you for doing this for me and not when she’s watching you – she’d never come back to babysit you alone again!  I’m glad that you felt so much better after you erupted, it was nice to have my smiley happy boy back, but next time do it for your dad (:  hehe!  I love you and all the adventures we get to share together – the good ones, the rough ones, and the gross ones! 



2 responses

4 04 2012
Expanding « Life is Good as a gitter

[…] been JUST after I found out I was pregnant again, an article was posted on someone’s FB wall One, Two, Three I was intrigued to read and low and behold, it was me and every other mom I know.  …with your […]

2 03 2012
Jake Appleton

That’s the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time (no pun intended). Great post, Patters.


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