Expanding

4 04 2012

is there a better way to celebrate 5 years of wedded bliss…than have another baby!  No way…we’ll remember The Bahamas forever!  Eric and I talked about whatever happens happens after our trip and yep, you betcha, this journey begins for the Gitters again, I’m due October 15th with baby number 2.  There are a bunch of other girlfriends of mine that are also pregnant due within a couple weeks of me (a few of them had their 1st babies a few weeks after I had Tucker) it’s crazy baby mania right now!!

I just knew something wasn’t quite adding up, emotionally and physically with me after we got back from our trip in January.  So I went out and bought some generic Up&Up brand pregnancy tests.  I took one and it was negative.  *WHEW* Tucker just turned 1 and another baby so soon would be a lot to undertake.  A few days later, not shaking this feeling of something (really I couldn’t explain it other than something) and I looked at the box of pregnancy tests and it said that it was one of those that you had to take AFTER you missed your period…well I was still further from that than I prolly was pregnant at that point.  So back to Target I went to pick up and First Response Test.  I took that one with Tucker early too, and low and behold, “Honey, don’t wipe the sweat from your brow too soon.  Whatever happens happened!”  Needless to say I didn’t believe the pee stick so for days I took one after another until the first tests I bought also came back positive.  Then I called Liz to make an appointment.  here are the lines FAINTEST, THERE, and DUH MAN YOU’RE PREGNANT!

   

For some reason this amazing blessing from God was really hard to swallow.  With Tucker I was so in a state of counting my blessings everyday and loving every moment we have with him…that didn’t come lightly though.  I hold him tighter because of stories of people I know who have lost their babies, have hard times carrying their pregnancies to term, or lost people who are pivotal in their lives.  All of a sudden the hormones hit hard and my head started spinning out of control…”What if this my crap card, the hand I’ve been dealt has been AMAZING and blessed beyond words.  I’ve only lost people who have lived good long wonderfully enriched lives.  I can’t be blessed forever.”  It weighed heavy on my heart, and the thought of it, kept me from being excited and I used shock to hide my fear.

A few nights after these thoughts rushed over me, I had a Church Council meeting.  I was about 3.5 days pregnant (as my mom said hehe) and at the end of council we break up into small groups and ask for help from Jesus with something that is going on in our lives.  Some months I have to think really hard, but this time it was right there.  I cried, and I know that God put Pastor in my group that day for a reason.  After exposing my fears and releasing my tears, Pastor told me that God’s plan isn’t to make sense, and some people are just, simply stated, lived blessed lives.  Maybe the people who you pray for have been touched by you and have helped to lessen their burdens, and your purpose in their lives is a blessing.  Maybe that is true, maybe it’s not, but the thought – because I haven’t carried the burdens of others I know doesn’t mean that my life is doomed to be the pits someday – isn’t overwhelming.  I forgot to concentrate on how so many of my friends have survived trials and come out stronger, in their faith and as people.  Take your eyes off the Lord for a second and the devil will never miss his opportunity.  “From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another.” ~ John 1:16 This passage brings me peace.  I am sure that my life will not be green grass forever, it is inevitable that I will loose someone before I deem it is their time.  But regardless, my life is blessed in ways I can’t even fathom.  And the stories of those who have lost are a blessing in my life too, it has given me a purpose and drive to want to do more to help others and my family.  

I can’t really tell you why I was feeling the way I was feeling, I think I was so emerged in other’s situations, that they truly became my own.  I’m doing good now, it’s become fun again to read the weekly belly blurbs about which fruit the baby is compared to this week, (cutest little lime) and understand how my body is changing, even though it wasn’t that long ago, it feels like a whole other lifetime ago that it was just Eric and I and my growing belly.  I think it may have been JUST after I found out I was pregnant again, an article was posted on someone’s FB wall One, Two, Three I was intrigued to read and low and behold, it was me and every other mom I know.  …with your first, “You think if you just hold his hand tight enough, read the right books, choose the right foods, choose the right schools … if you just hold your breath forever … it’ll be okay. You’re not sure what that is anymore. Maybe okay means you’ll succeed at keeping him and the world apart forever. Maybe it just means that you’ll both survive this love, this love so intense it threatens to consume you both like a fire.” …with your second, “Your guilt is relentless. How will you convince them both that they are the center of your universe?” This is also a fear that I have.  I’m not alone just about all moms are with me.  One day at a time, I’ll put it in God’s hands, and pray for a healthy pregnancy and baby – in His hands are the safest.

Another thing we’ve had some fun with is trying to explain to a 15 month old that he’s going to be a big brother.  Tucker talks a big game – but just like Bogey it’s going to be a HUGE adjustment for him.

This mind you was the 5th take of this video…he would much rather play with the camera than talk to it.  He’s getting so big now, he’d rather walk everywhere, talks a lot – his favorite and most frequent words are: Mama, Mommy, Mom, Dada, Daddy, Dad, Papa, Emma, Want More, Bo-bo, blueberry, gamma (he’ll never say it around my mom though) gampa, LaLa, DJ, hello, Elmo, On, Up, Out, Down, baby, more, puffs, donalds (we have a play McDonald’s window), shoe, Yeshh, and his ultimate favorite No No.  He has so much personality, but when you mix Eric and I together what could we really expect – an introvert?  Riiiiiiiiiiight!  Everyday is a new battle with him, we’re learning quickly to choose them and make sure he’s safely contained when throwing temper tantrums and ignore if it’s not worth the effort.  He’s an amazing eater – he even tried to chomp an avocado, right through the rhine, at Auntie KayKay’s.  You put it in front of him, he’ll try it and usually eat it all up.  He doesn’t like juice, but drinks tons of water and we will soon have to take away the bottle, but it’s such a great way to wind down the night and get him his milk.  Life is good, we’re laughing with Tucker every day about some new face me makes, or some new word he learns…I’m smiling just thinking about it.

Dear Tucker,
 
It’s been an exciting year so far!  You’re going to be a big brother in October, you’ve learned to walk and now run, you’re talking all the time, and you’re learning something new every second it seems like.   You’ve made some of these darker days for me look bright and wonderful, holding you soothes my fears and reminds me of God’s love for us.  It has become my most favorite part of the day, the end, when we snuggle and say our prayers and you in the cutest way ever, repeat Amen after we finish.  It melts my heart every night.  I know those snuggle nights are limited and I’m glad that you love them as much as I do.  Let’s always remember to count our blessings…and this new baby is another wonderful one for us.  You’ll need time to adjust but your dad and I are going to do everything we can to make it smooth for you and for us.  I will never stop loving you.  I’ll love you to the moon and back little man! 
 
mom
Advertisements

Actions

Information

let me know what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: